For Men Only – How to Change a Roll of Toilet Paper
There comes a time in the life of every man when he will have to learn a skill for no other reason than to please his woman. Learning how to change a roll of toilet paper is one such skill. There are a lot of self-help books about how to keep a woman happy but until you’re an expert it’s more productive to focus on not making them mad. Learning how to change a roll of toilet paper eliminates just one tiny thing that can be a big source of irritation. It’s best to worry about the small things first until you’re more experienced. The learning curve on this is steep, but I’m going to guide you through it and give you the confidence to try it.
Step One: Locate the Dispenser
This might seem like a no-brainer because you use the dispenser all the time. But don’t underestimate the power of a toilet paper dispenser to remain hidden even when it’s in plain view–especially when you don’t need it for anything. Look in the immediate vicinity of the toilet. Usually the dispensers hang on the wall to the right of the commode, sometimes to the left, sometimes in front, and occasionally even behind. Carefully scan each wall surface and try to focus on the shape of what you’re looking for. Keep the picture of a toilet paper dispenser in your mind at all times. This can help. If you can’t find it, do not, under any circumstances, ask your wife or girlfriend where it is. Just keep looking. If you need to, Google it and look at the pictures. This can help. Don’t Google anything else.
Step Two: Ascertain if the Roll Needs Replacing
Some consider this to be the most complex part of the process. It does take practice, but you’ll be surprised how quickly you can make a snap judgment after a few trial runs. Remember 衛生紙架 though, you have to make the decision using visual diagnosis only. Do not unravel what is left on the roll to figure out if it needs changing. And if you accidentally do unravel it to check its status, do not, under any circumstances leave the mess for your wife or girlfriend to clean up. This will work against you. One thing you can do is take a fast-acting laxative and then just use up the rest of the roll. Then you will know for sure it needs replacing…plus, you’ll be motivated.
Step Three: Find the New Rolls
You’ll need to do a search. It’s a good idea to have pencil and paper handy when you do this, so you can take notes and avoid looking in the same locations several times. Women hide toilet paper because it reminds them of things they don’t want to think about. I don’t know exactly what those things are, but I do know most of the likely hiding spots.
Start by looking under the sink. Then look in all the cupboards in the bathroom. If you don’t find it, check the pantry and the basement. If you’re still unsuccessful, make sure the next time toilet paper gets purchased you take note of where it gets stored. It’s a good idea to have pencil and paper handy so you can jot down the location. Don’t write things like “L. Broom cbrd ^ twls.” You won’t know what that means the moment you finish writing it. Write in complete sentences like this: “The rolls of new toilet paper are located in the closet at the end of the upstairs hall on the lower shelf.” This is just an example. Your toilet paper is probably not located there. You can add other details that will help, such as. “It is in a package of twelve rolls that look like very large marshmallows.” This will help cement it into your mind. Do not, under any circumstances, ask your wife or girlfriend where the toilet paper is stored. This will work against you in a very permanent way. If you do accidentally ask where the toilet paper is stored, just forget about bothering to finish the rest of this course. It won’t do you any good.
Step Four. Remove the Old Roll
It’s important to do this in the right order. If you do any of these steps out of sequence it can result in a mess that you won’t want to clean up, and you know where that leads. First, remove the old roll. On most dispensers this is done by firmly grasping one end of the chrome tube that runs through the toilet paper roll and pushing it toward the other end. The chrome tube is really in two pieces held apart by a spring inside, though you can’t see any of that because it’s obscured by the presence of toilet paper. So you’ll have to trust me. Once you push one end toward the other end you can tilt the tube toward you and out of the dispenser. Slip the tube out of the center of the roll and place it carefully on the bathroom counter. You’ll need it later.